Confidence Training Not Sticking? Here's Why

She's a Director. She's delivered multi-million pound projects. She's respected across her organisation.

But in her appraisal, her manager tells her she needs to work on her confidence.

When she comes to work with me, I ask her: "Do you trust yourself? Are you good at your job?"

Without hesitation, she says yes.

This IS confidence. And yes it's not being seen. So what's the issue?

She pauses. "I don't think there is one. But I've been told I need it so many times, I started to believe it."

This is the misdiagnosis costing you your best women.

I've worked with hundreds of senior-level women and they're constantly told they need more confidence.

But confidence actually means trust. Can you trust yourself to complete the task in front of you? Do you have everything you need within you to do it?

And when it comes to their roles, these women do trust themselves. They're confident in their ability.

The problem isn't confidence. It's safety.

What senior women have learned

These are women who've been working in male-dominated environments for years. Sometimes decades.

They've learned that being upfront about their confidence and strengths makes them seem arrogant. So they hide them away.

They've learned they'll be interrupted. Spoken over. That their ideas will be dismissed. So they stop raising their hands in meetings.

They've learned that saying no to anything means they're not doing their jobs properly. So they say yes to everything, even when it's destroying them.

They've learned that having big ambitions makes them "too big for their boots." Who does she think she is?

They've learned that to succeed, they have to behave like men. That confidence looks like being loud, not competent.

They've been taught the cost of being themselves is too high.

These are ambitious women. Smart women. Women who want jobs that fulfill them. Who want to use the skills they've spent 20+ years building.

They're incredibly talented and incredibly capable.

But they've internalised so much about what's not safe.

Why typical confidence training doesn't work

Because we've misdiagnosed the problem, these women get sent to confidence training.

Here's how to speak up in meetings. Here's how to write confident emails. Power poses. Fake it till you make it. Executive presence workshops.

These things have their place. But it's not with this audience.

It's not about the skills or the knowledge.

We can teach a woman how to negotiate for more money. But we're assuming her knowledge is the issue - in a way we never assume it is for men.

We don't send men to "how to negotiate salary" training. We assume they already know.

And given how smart these women are, we're assuming they don't know something they absolutely do.

Sit any one of them down and ask: "How would you approach a salary negotiation?" They'll tell you.

Sure, confidence training might give them some helpful strategies. Structure can be useful.

But if it's not dealing with why it's hard, not just what the world expects, but how safe they feel doing it, nothing changes long-term.

What safety means

When I talk about safety, I mean the nervous system response that kicks in when she thinks about negotiating, the catastrophising when she considers saying no.

It's also deeper than that.

It's the peace that comes from knowing she can do it and being okay with whatever happens.

It's not about stopping anyone from judging her.

It's knowing her value has nothing to do with what they think. That she doesn't have to accept second-rate treatment.

And here's what organisations are scared of: if you teach women this work, they'll know their value.

And then they might leave.

You're right to be scared.

Because if you're not creating an environment where women who know their value want to stay, you've got a bigger problem than any training can fix.

What actually works

This is why I created The POWER Code.

These women don't need confidence training. They need deprogramming.

They need to unlearn the rules that told them their natural leadership style wasn't good enough. That being themselves was too risky. That their value was conditional on being palatable.

When we address what's actually holding them back - the conditioning, the internalised beliefs, the nervous system responses - everything else follows.

They speak up. They go for the role. They stop second-guessing themselves. They negotiate. They set boundaries.

Not because they learned a new script or strategy, but because they finally feel safe doing it.

The POWER Code helps women resolve these issues at a deeper level. More change. More impact. At more speed.

Your senior women don't need fixing.

They need to feel safe being powerful.

If you're ready to stop investing in confidence training that doesn't stick and start addressing what's actually holding your best women back - let's talk.

The POWER Code starts in early February. DM me to book a call.